I didn’t notice the burnout at first. I just thought I was tired. Of course I was tired. But then the tired didn’t go away. It didn’t matter how much I slept – or didn’t. I’d wake up with heaviness in my chest, in my limbs, in my head. Like something was pressing down on me and wouldn’t let up.

My patience wore thin, not because I didn’t care – but because I had nothing left. Every part of me had been given away, used up, poured into work, into parenting, into holding it all together for so long. I didn’t know how to refill what was empty. I didn’t even realize I needed to.

There were days I couldn’t think straight. Couldn’t remember simple things. Couldn’t stop my heart from racing for no reason. I thought maybe I was sick. I went to doctors. Blood tests, scans, checklists. They said I was fine. But I wasn’t fine. I was depleted. Overwhelmed. Worn down by years of pretending I could do it all without breaking.

For so long, I was stuck in survival mode. I didn’t cry often – not because I wasn’t sad, but because crying felt like a luxury I couldn’t afford. I had to stay sharp. Focused. Moving. But now that the crisis is over, the emotions I pushed away come flooding in – grief, anger, loneliness, all the feelings I never had time to feel.

I held it together for everyone. For my son. For work. For the version of myself I thought I had to be – strong, capable, unshakeable. Now I’m learning to hold myself differently. To stop pushing through pain. To rest without guilt. To allow the ache to surface and not run from it.

No one saw the cost.

Not really.

They saw the success. The job title. The smile.

But they didn’t see the nights I broke down quietly so my son wouldn’t hear.

They didn’t see me pushing through migraines, brain fog, chest tightness-calling it stress, calling it normal.

It wasn’t normal. It was my body saying, please stop.

And now I am stopping. Slowly. I’m listening more. I’m softening. I’m learning how to be gentle with myself, which is harder than I ever imagined. I’m learning to choose presence over performance, rest over pushing, peace over proving.